Author Up Challenge – Day 11

Glowing eyes in the dark, from theoldones.wikia

From theoldones.wikia

Welcome back! I’m still here and still planning to finish, but my spring/summer semester started and I have to make sure homework is taking priority. As much as I love my blog, there is no grading here, no pass/fail except whether I write something really good or really bad. So there maybe a few more times where I miss a day or two. Most likely in the middle of the week, because I have a Tuesday/Thursday class in the evenings.

Anyways, welcome to Day 12! Today’s prompt was:

Day 12: Write in Deep Point of View

What is Deep PoV? Basically it’s the author’s attempt to remove her presence entirely from a piece and get further into the character. It’s hard to explain apparently, because it’s kind of vague when it is, and so I’m not sure how well I accomplished it. The explanation I saw the most was removing tags such as “he said” and “she walked” because those are not how people would think to themselves. But it seems impossible to remove all identifying tags without seriously confusing the reader…

For this piece, I tried to figure out which of my character’s heads I wanted to get into more deeply. The first one who came to mind was my young protagonist, Lakeerae. Magefire is probably the novel I’ve written the most of–though most of that is still in its middle school/high school version. But it’s mostly laid out in my mind and on paper.

Thinking about Lakeerae, I remembered the prologue of that piece, and thought that would be the better place to start. Yes, I like prologues, despite their fall from favor over the years. I grew up with fantasy novels with prologues and I still like them as long as they are accomplishing their goal. They draw you into a place of action and questioning that the true first scene of the novel might not be able to accomplish as quickly.

So I decided to rewrite Magefire’s prologue. I tried to get deeper into the character’s head yet keep as true to the original feel of it as possible, and–as with all of my pieces, it seems, heh–I don’t feel it’s exactly where I want it to be yet. But I’m closer. Definitely closer.

This is the first time I’ve rewritten something from so long ago on my blog and the first time I’m sharing any pieces of the novels that bounce around in my head. So I would very much appreciate feedback–positive or negative–because I’d like to write it in its entirety someday and feedback is always helpful.

My apologies that my intro became more wordy than the actual piece. 🙂

~ Effy

Magefire Prologue (Rewrite)

Fearful pants puffed from Fulgor, paired with desperate mumbles. Glances over his shoulder revealed nothing but dark trees, green ferns, and dry leaves and needles strewn across the ground between them. He couldn’t see it, but he knew it was there, close and getting closer.

The forest blurred by as he ran. Nothing mattered except the creature that stalked him. His home had become his worst nightmare.

Time had lost meaning. Fulgor had no way to know how long his legs had been propelling him forward, but his calves and thighs burned with fatigue. Exhaustion loomed, but so did the dark creature.

Don’t stop. Don’t stop.

An unrestrained wail escaped him as something grabbed the back of his tunic, yanking him back. The abruptness stole Fulgor’s breath.

It has me! Gods, spare me!

Gulping air, mouthing a silent prayer to Jhessail, he turned. He imagined coming face to face with the creature and swooned with anxiety. He caught his balance again with effort.

A whoosh of relief escaped him. Fulgor snatched his tunic free from the grasping branch with trembling fingers. Ridiculous. Letting a tree branch scare me like that…

Sweat dripped into his eyes, stinging, and Fulgor brushed it away with the back of his hand.

The world fell silent and Fulgor swallowed. The forest held its breath.

A growl rustled the silence like a sharp breeze against high branches. Fulgor turned back toward the direction he’d been running, the anxiety building once more. He fumbled in the pouch on his belt for the living seeds there and only succeeded in scattering them across the ground, his hands trembling and unable to grip them.

Birds cried out and took flight as relief gave way to anxiety and then to terror–a pained scream breaking the hush of the woods. Then, just as quickly as it was shattered, the peaceful silence once more reigned over the forest.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This story and all related material are the original works of Awaiting the Muse and Effy J. Roan AKA Effraeti. All rights reserved.
Creative Commons License
Awaiting the Muse by Effy J. Roan AKA Effraeti is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Based on a work at