Awaiting the Muse
The Life of a Writer: Composed of Waiting as Much as Writing. Find my Inspirations and Musings on WoW Here.
SotR: In the Defense of Raiding
Sometimes there are more dangerous things to tank then raid bosses – like ignorance.
I have long been a raider, and even longer been a gamer. Defending my gaming life is something I have grown accustomed to. I suppose you could say it comes with the territory. Non-gamers just seem to not understand us. I am sure there are many people (most of my blog audience, actually) who can empathize with me there.
When I took up raiding, I never thought defending myself would become more difficult and more prevalent, but it has over the past several years, by non-gamer friends and family who do not understand or respect the commitment that I have made to raiding.
I look at raiding as I would any extracurricular activity, or even a class – something that I commitment myself to, because I enjoy it enough to make such a commitment. I would not ditch a class last minute just to go to dinner with a friend, a friend who could easily try and make plans with me later in the week. I would not shirk my responsibilities with a real life weekly appointment just because a friend of mine is not considerate enough to plan ahead. Similarly, I do not ditch friends in real life to whom I have made a time commitment if another friend asks me last minute.
I realize I am using the word “commitment” a lot, and probably will many more times before this post is done. Honestly, I think that word and its meaning are the most important part of the point I am trying to express. I think the other side of my point is the lack of respect shown by those who expect I will just cancel things at the drop of a hat to make other plans.
You would think the fact that I keep my commitments in a game would inspire hope in those around me that I would do so in real life. Right?
Instead, I get the lecture. Instead, I get the four ignorant arguments below without fail – ignorant arguments I am sure many of my fellow gamers can relate to hearing at some point.
1) “It’s just a game.”
Indeed, it is just a game. I am not going to go all psycho sports fan nut on the subject.
That is why if I were just planning to run dungeons by myself all night I would probably go do whatever inane thing was just asked of me. But the thing about online games is they also have this wonderful thing called “socializing”. So more often than not, when I am playing WoW, I am playing WoW with other people. When I play WoW with other people it is often through plans that were made prior to this very moment, unlike the last minute real life things that are usually toted as so much more important to my social life.
So needless to say, this usually leads to the next ignorant comment…
2) “They’re not real people.”
Really? Is this really even a logical argument? Apparently, all these years I have been surfing the internet and playing MMO’s with robots! This is quite a revelation to me. Especially considering all the people I have met face to face after meeting them online.
Yes, people on the other side of computers on the internet ARE real people.
Honestly, I think I have already devoted too much brain power and blog post to this idiotic comment.
3) “They won’t miss you for one night.”
First of all, see above and “commitment”. Then, see “respect”.
Sure, my guild could probably get by without me for a night or ten even, that is why we run a roster of more than 25 people. That is why we have a post out policy. That is why raiders come and go eventually. The point is, I have made a commitment, I have stated to 24 other people whose company I greatly enjoy that I will be there at X time on X day. I would like to continue those people also liking me and enjoying my company.
4) “You can do that any night.”
Play video games? Yes.
Raid? No.
Just like in real life, it takes planning and commitment to organize 25 people in one place at one time. Raiding is not something where I can just jump on at 8pm and say, “Hey, guys! Let’s go raid right now!” Even if 25 people are on at that exact moment, they may already have plans, either in game or in real life. This is similar to how you don’t out of the blue call up 25 friends on the phone and say, “Hey, guys! Let’s go club hopping right now!” (And this is a really bad example, because to go clubbing does not require a specific number of people. Maybe a spontaneous wedding or something might be more appropriate? I dunno… moving on.)
There are only a few things I would actually post out or cancel for – holidays, scheduled events, and being sick. By scheduled events, I mean a kid’s school concert or someone’s graduation or a theatre ticket. These are once in a while things that I cannot really reschedule, and therefore, I make the occasional concession to not raid. Notice these are also items that planned in advance.
I can be spontaneous at times, but there is nothing that irks me more than people who do not respect my time. Popping something on me last minute, and then getting annoyed that I am either not in the mood or have other plans, is something I find hugely disrespectful of me.
I do not question someone else’s knitting or skydiving or nude finger-painting. Please do not question why I raid. Just respect that it is something I enjoy and something that I commit to doing certain nights of the week.
/soapbox
~ Effy
Where’s Effy?
My big project today – my new dwarf Burning Bush.
The past few days have been a strange combination of work, sickness, and bonsai. I have actually not been on WoW since Wednesday. So imagine those who know how much time I usually spend online have been curious. I have been recovering and doing some spring maintenance. 
Wednesday night, about halfway through raid I started to feel pretty crappy, but I toughed it out. Then, I went straight to bed. Thursday morning, thankfully I did not have to work, because I was sick all day. I could not keep anything down, even by dinner time. So I “called in sick” to raid, and went back to bed.
I have to wonder if it was a 24-hour bug, because I was feeling better enough by Friday and made it to work fine. But it was a long, tiring day, and I came home with little energy or appetite, so I ate a little and read for the evening.
This morning, I finally felt up to accomplishing what I had originally intended for Thursday – repotting some plants. My “bonsai.”
A Japanese Maple bonsai… Yah, mine do not look like this – from bonsaiplantcenter.com
I use the term “bonsai” loosely, because I do not believe for a second that any of my trees could qualify adequately as bonsai. They are all young, and even those I have had for several years have gone through a period of near-neglect for quite a while. It amazed me that some of them have lived this long, because I have often forgot to even water them over the last year or so.
But I think I am finally getting to a place where focusing on them will help me to focus on me.
Since I did not get a pic of mine before I started, here is a dwarf Burning Bush looking very similar to what I started with – from panoramicfarm.com
Tuesday, while I was out and about with my mom, I bought a dwarf Burning Bush. You can see the end result of my efforts today in the first picture. There was a great deal of swearing when I finished trimming him and realized I had not taken any “before” pictures. I took a few while I was trimming his roots, though…
Mr. Very Very Pot-Bound Burning Bush
Here is him with the roots all trimmed, and ready to repot.
Once I realized how pot-bound he was (meaning he had some much roots in his pot he really had nowhere else to grow), I got bold – as I did with trimming his top – and hacked the bottom 2/3 off his roots… flat, so he would fit easily into his new bonsai pot. And boy, did he go in easily. 
I was pleased to learn I still have a good deal of the soil I had mixed the last time I did a round of repotting. It is a home-grown mix of Carquest-brand floor dry (clean, never used, and well-rinsed to get rid of some of the dust), fine red lava rock, and pine bark mulch. I have it all in a big pink tote with a lid, and I had enough to do all my repotting today, and likely plenty enough to last me through at least one more similar round of potting.
Here is what the soil is mixed looks like dry. The first picture is with the soil wet.
I also repotted a very sad-looking Christmas Cactus we have, who has been in need of a repot for a while. I am not 100% if repotting will help, or if I was too late for her. We will see. I will spare her pictures in her sad time. Maybe I will put some here if she perks up.
Fukien Tea Tree Flowers – from Wikimedia
Next, I repotted my Fukien Tea Tree. She and I have been through a lot. She was my very first bonsai, and started her life as a “mall-sai” which is a common term in the bonsai world for a tree that is mass-produced, stuck into a tiny pot, generally mistreated, and sold to unknowing people who are interested in the idea of bonsai, but know little. Hence, the most appropriate first tree for me! heh How did she survived? I have no idea. When I first started reading on bonsai, and when I later joined a local bonsai society, I learned that she was not healthy where she was, for she was in a soupy muck of muddy soil that had no aeration, because her pot was covered with glued-on pebbles.
So she has already been repotted once. But this was four or so years ago.
She has struggled. Sometimes she is vigorous, and sometimes she is lackluster. Through it all, though, she produces her pretty little white flowers. Right now, I have all those little white flowers pinched off, so that she can focus on regrowing her branches and leaves, because I trimmed her way back.
Someday, maybe she will grow big and awesome and look like this – from bonsaimary.com
Lastly, I repotted my Norfolk Pine. It is technically not a bonsai, nor will it ever be, because Norfolk Pines are near-impossible to “train.” But they are very pretty, especially for someone like me, born and grown in the north and with a deep love for evergreens. I was not sure if he was all one tree, or if he was several. It turns out, he is several trees, so I was able to separate them out into a “forest” setup. It took some wiring and a lot of finagling and a lot of patience, but I got them all in the pot, with the help of two extra hands from Mom.
Then, after some watering and cleaning up of my huge mess, I put everyone back up on my bed’s headboard…
Left to right: Umbrella Tree (not repotted today), Norfolk Pines, Fukien Tea Tree. There are two plant lights on the headboard also, to either side.
The only tree I did not get around to today was my baby Birch. He is doing well, but could stand a repotting I am sure, since he has been in the same soil for about three years now. But I think at this point, I should wait until next spring, before he gets his leaves.
My baby Birch (Do not mind all the twigs and garden waste piled up behind him…)
He was only a year-old sapling when I got him, so he has a long way to go. I love Birch because of their white bark, but this lil guy will probably not see any white bark for another five years at least.
The other tree that is strongly on my mind is my soon-to-be-acquired Purple Beech. I have not received a call about his delivery yet, but be sure I will find the time to snap some pictures when he does. 
But here are some pics of about what he should look like…
Purple Beech Leaves – from ewsprojects.com
Weeping Purple Beech, but mine should only be about 3 feet tall – from ewsprojects.com
I was told if I do not regularly “train” the Beech to grow straight up, he will stay about the same height and just keep weeping, which is exactly what I am hoping for. Three feet tall will make for a HUGE bonsai, but I imagine he will be quite beautiful. And I have seen bigger bonsai (though, not in person)…
The World’s Biggest Bonsai Tree – from the 15 Best Bonsai Trees (http://lawrencerspencer.com/2011/05/23/15-best-bonsai-trees/)
Sorry for the strangely offtrack post. But I thought it best to keep everyone up to date on me, even if I am being swayed from the interwebz by nice weather and growing things.
~ Effy
Wax Poetic: Homework
Calvin and Hobbes
So today, I had my first in a short term period of counseling sessions. It will only be 5 sessions after this initial one, because I do not have any insurance. But it is something and I hope it might help some. Even if it just helps me motivate myself one more day a week.
My counselor assigned me homework.
I suppose this should annoy me or instill a sense of “OMG, this isn’t school, yo” or some other “WTH??” response. Nah, I am pretty excited about this actually. Is it bad that I miss school and homework? That does sound kind of messed up.
I will not go so far as to say that I miss high school and high school homework. However, I do miss the few college courses I took, and the homework from those. Granted, all my classes were drawing/writing/html related. But that is what college is about right? Classes that lead toward what you are most interested in.
Honestly, in writing one of my biggest obstacles is where to start. Usually a story starts with a spark of “something” that seems interesting enough to tell. Simple enough, yah, but only when I am inspired. School/homework assignments for writing classes were always my favorite, because they gave me that initial “something.” There were very few writing assignments that I ever dreaded, even if I am notorious for procrastinating and waiting until the last minute.
I think this is why Blog Azeroth is so dear to me.
(Note: I realize I have been horribly negligent lately and have not yet posted on my own response to my most recent Shared Topic idea. I blame going back to work, for now, but I must remedy this soon. In fact, I must reorganize the place in my brain and time for my blog, I feel getting organized professionally has alternately disorganized me personally. I suppose that is the reason I made the spreadsheet, so even if I do not accomplish everything I plan to, at least I can at least remember where I am throughout the week. I have noticed I do not take enough “random thought” notes lately.)
Blog Azeroth is my little corner of the world for writing homework. Sure, lately I have been bad about it, but I think it is more a case of falling out of habit.
Yes, yes, habits and spreadsheets and structure – these are what keep me sane.
So I have counseling homework. It is just a small reading assignment with some questions and such at the end, but it makes me want to reintroduce more such things back into my life.
How?
One
The first thing I thought of was raiding. I need to find as much information as I can about Mistweaver Monks. I am having trouble finding resources, all I have found so far are blah and vanilla and more explanations of the skills then how to use them together.
The culmination of this research? Making myself a better Monk, certainly. I feel Ireenia is in an okie place, but I feel like there is some small piece I am missing. Something that would make “okie” into “great” or at least ” really good.” Something that would make that small difference between playing my Monk and really learning my Monk. But also, my goal is writing a more comprehensive Monk guide.
Part of what made me a good Resto Shaman was I always read all the most recent Shaman stuff I could. I liked perusing the several Shaman bloggers I read. I liked looking at numbers other’s put together (most specifically, especially for numbers, Vixen at Life in Group Five). I am no good with numbers, just comparing what works for others to what works for me.
I really do not have this with my Monk. It is something I mean to work on. Writing about my Resto Shaman, as much as I enjoyed sharing the information, it was also a help to me. Doing works better for me then reading or listening to someone explain something. Similarly, writing about something makes me learn even more. My State of the Raider posts help me.
The first step, I think, is setting aside a specific time.
Two
Next is setting a schedule for my blog again.
For a while, I had a schedule for my blog posts. Though that does not work very well for short stories – too much chance for writer’s block there – this worked well for me with Shared Topics, transmog posts, State of the Raider, and similar things. I would like to get back to at least one or two posts that I make weekly.
I want to find myself a good resource to get at one blog post idea per week. Something that gives me a post idea that I would not usually think of. I would most like for this resource to remain Blog Azeroth, but there seems more time between topic ideas than I would prefer. Maybe my post idea does not need to be from the same source every week, but something.
And I need a day to regularly post these.
Tuesdays seem a good day for the random stuff that is going on in my head. I do not work, there is maintenance in WoW, and every other week, I will have my counseling sessions (which I imagine if nothing else will get me thinking about various things – like today did).
Three
I also need something away from the computer. I want to get back to my bonsai interests. On our way home after my counseling appointment, Mom and I stopped at a nursery. Thursday, I plan to repot some of my indoor plants, and work outside in the garden. Mom and I picked up a few small plants, and we are going to fill in the front garden and either plant or pot both the dwarf burning bush I picked up and my baby birch, which is about 3 years old now.
Four
Lastly, I think at least one class of some sort is in my near future. Something with a weekly schedule, and preferably some writing/drawing work involved. Whether it is something online, something local, or something that means picking up a new class at the community college remains to be seen as of yet.
In Closing
Along with getting myself re-motivated, I have to remember not to overdo it. I think work, WoW, bonsai, and my blog are enough to get me started. Beyond that will have to wait until I get myself settled into a schedule again.
But this is my homework for myself.
~ Effy
P.S. – I was also excited to see that I was linked to a blog post from my Work and WoW piece, and I wanted to share that.
Ketchup
I really do not care for ketchup a great deal – a very tiny bit is good with french fries sometimes, though, hash browns are the one thing I really do like with ketchup – at least, not enough to so casually post with a title seeming to praise it. It is more the fact that the English language never fails to amuse me. Words with similar meanings, words with similar spelling, words with similar pronunciation. So many ways to play on words.
I figured an update was long past due, my blogging has been far too infrequent lately. But with the new job, I am just trying to stay focused where I need to be. So far, things are going great. My stress and anxiety are relatively low.
Speaking of focus, I have developed a spreadsheet for my Level 90′s. Something to track who’s killed what world boss, who’s VP capped, who’s done their LFR runs. I am even using it to monitor if I harvested and planted my farm on a toon, if they did their daily profession research cooldown, and if they did a dungeon that day. It worked better than intended last night, Monday, the day before reset, when I am usually scrambling to figure out who needs what. A Nalak raid formed, I knew just which toon to bring. Sha and Galleon were next, and I knew at a glance what toons to switch to. A few LFR runs were made, and I went on a different toon each time, based on what we queued for.
Effy and Effy waiting for an Oondasta pull
And Nalak, the World’s Worst Gatekeeper (Not only have I 20manned this guy, but this guy just lets adventurers stroll right past him into his master’s lair!)
In fact, I should just show you what the spreadsheet looks like, eh?
Oh, but while I was taking that screenshot, I realized how very awesome screenshots are from my desktop with two monitors!
HUGE!
And yes, that has been my desktop since around Christmas.
Anyway… Even though I did not cap all my 90′s, I felt it kept me aware of what I should be working on. And I say “should” very emphatically. Because despite all my organization, I spent most of this past week on the wee Hunter. Actually, she is not so wee anymore, she is 78 already.
DING!
One thing that is awesome about a Hunter, is taking great time and care to determine what pets I want to run with. (The next step in this being to of course create a transmog outfit around the chosen pet.)
I have always liked bug pets. The silithids and wasps are some of my favorite. (I have mentioned before that I have a fond curiosity for the Silithids and their lore, since it was them who in fact got my interest with WoW lore started.) So it did not take me log to decide that the rare wasp in Silithus, Rex Ashil, was the pet I really wanted. He is unique, the only wasp of this color, and in fact the only pet with this color. WTB silithid pet in this awesome blue-grey!
After picking my wasp up, I was talking to my guildie, Otoka (whom we all call simply O), and realized I had intended to find the perfect battle pet to name for him. Hunter pet? Even better!
Just for the record, apparently you cannot name a Hunter pet with only one letter. So I could not name my wasp “O”! So I settled for “Oh” and had a giggle with O about the philosophical significance of the name. Not only does it give a name, but it is also a pondering noise, thus naming one for their deep thoughts.
Rosa and Oh
Rosa’s outfit to match her pet is still a slight work-in-progress. I cannot be 100% happy with boots, it seems. Silly humans and their FEET. What the heck? I am thinking of boots much like those she is wearing above, but more blue. I think I can get some from a Dragonblight quest. I like the black outfit with the Level 70 PvP bow very much, and I have received several compliments through whispers while doing dungeons with her.
Among doing lots of dungeons on my Hunter, I have just about caught up Sifaol, my Disc Priest, gearwise. I have not been heavily focusing her, she progresses slowly, but she has made remarkable improvements. I realized soon after getting her a few LFR pieces that I am quite fond of her in some current content gear. This is even after being so appalled with her quest leveling outfit not too long ago! Sure, the outfit is a mixture of various things (and the staff is a re-skin) and I would really like some MSV shoulders, but it looks quite good on her.
Even as a human!
I missed Atonement, I really did, and I am thoroughly annoyed that as soon as I start getting back into my Priest, Blizz is nerfing Atonement (in 5.3). ><
Oh! And we also got a random guild achievement the other day!
State of the Raider: Guilty Conscience Edition
Now, so that I do not feel so guilty about falling behind, I am also going to post a condensed State of the Raider! (AKA progression and kill screenshots!) I left off last on our Durumu kill.
The Mysterious Case of the Lemming Blobs
A strange sight, in the halls between Durumu and Primordius
I cannot quite get the oddity of this out of my head. These lil guys just endless ooze down the hallway, and then throw themselves off the side! It is an endless cycle of lemming-like suicide, so it seems, as they somehow flow back up to start all over again.
Poor blobs. You should live! There is so much out there! Don’t give up!
Seriously, though. GG Blizzard at giving us something to wonder about. I cannot figure out the purpose of these guys for the life of me.
Primordius, the Visually Pleasing
Progression and Pretty Colors
Ooh, shiny!
Primordius down in 25man!
Okie, so maybe it is more my guildies and their spell effects that are visually pleasing… Either way, I was tickled by the colorfulness of the shots.
Primoridus, after what seemed forever on Durumu, went down in one shot. He is a nifty boss, I like the idea of mutating into a Saurok for a short time. His monologue, though, is a bit creepy and very Gollum-like. I think this guy went down so easily because one thing that motivates my guildies is telling them “X will make you do more damage!”
I Sing the Body Animus
Dark Animus down in 25man!
Dark Animus was an okie fight. It was pretty much all or nothing. Either we wiped early because adds got out of control, or we killed him. Once it is just the boss, it is a pretty straightforward tank-and-spank. Yah yah, there is other stuff going on, but there were no transitions, it was really just a burn.
It did take us some organization and some practice to manage all the adds. It was a different kind of fight, certainly.
Ice, Wind, and Fire… and Iron Qon
Iron Qon down in 25man!
Huh, that is my best progression shot from Iron Qon? Bad Effy.
Iron Qon was a challenge, especially the final burn phase when it is just him. As a healer, I got to take advantage of the preferential treatment as #1 priority to use a Warlock gate out of the wind storm. There were several times I just did it with some well-timed Rolls, though. It was cool to have four quite different phases in that fight.
Twin Consorts and the Anti-Climax
Twin Consorts down in 25man!
Take that as you will in its purposeful double meanings. After all of the… commentary… over the Twins and their “place” in Throne of Thunder, they went splat with a disappointing quickness.
Thunderstruck by the Thunder King
Lei Shen, however, is not disappointing. He is proving to be just what an end boss should be, many phases and many mechanics… and when things go bad – MANY ADDS! Unfortunately, this means that he is a nightmare as an LFR boss. I think a mechanic or two could still use some tweaking, or even removal. But on normal, he is perfect, and though he is not dead yet (Sunday was our first full night of work on him), I do not think it will be too much longer and when he dies, it will be a great accomplishment for my guildies and me.
~Effy
Wax Poetic: Work and Anxiety
I think I have possibly grown too fond of my asides and my recent reference to them as “waxing poetic.” It has always been a been a phrase I like, and seems appropriate to my random tangents. So perhaps all of my random thoughts will be referred to as such now. Wax Poetic is also a great band, as illustrated by the song above, Angels.
Yesterday, I started my new job. It is at a small distribution company that operates mainly on the internet. At last! My surfing skills are appreciated! Kind of. Anyway… Seeing Amazon.com from the other side is cool, at least. It is a general admin position, mostly to do with answering phones (cause apparently I am friendly and have a nice phone voice) and entering and tracking orders so far. It is doing things I excel at. It is working with new programs I am picking up fast on already. It is also doing things that are – at least for the moment, until they become everyday and trite – interesting to me.
But new jobs always start out interesting.
I was understandably nervous beforehand. Anxious even, but not overly so. Lately, it seems nothing I engage in is not accompanied by some amount of anxiety – even everyday things, even raiding, even writing.
For now, though, this anxiety is manageable.
It was not until I got home and – of all places, in WoW – had a conversation about a friend’s anxiety problems and how they cannot work anymore. It struck far too close to home, having left my last three positions in a state of debilitating anxiety. Each time, it seems it gets a little worse. Each time, it gets a little harder to even get out of bed in the morning. Each time, it gets a little harder to pick myself up and start over from scratch again. It is to the point where I am not even to my second day of work (which is tomorrow), and already I am wondering where and when the anxiety will begin to manifest itself again.
(Oh wait, that is anxiety, eh? It is so much a part of my thought process anymore, I barely even notice it.)
It is only part time. This is both a blessing and a curse, it seems. Part time is not enough to live on for long. Once again, I am sure to be a disappointment, not good enough. But at the same time, maybe part time would have saved me from myself in other instances before now. Maybe part time will keep me from my mid-week blahs, where I have to drag and claw and scramble my way out of bed, fighting myself the whole way.
This is not something I often sit down and ponder.
I have been working hard at keeping my brain engaged to the point where I do not have to think about it. WoW, reading, blogging… Yah, I think that is the extent of things at the moment. <sigh>
One of my biggest fears with going back to work is the inevitability of downtime. I always finish tasks “too fast.” That is where I most often get myself into trouble – both with myself (and overthinking) and with my job (and occupying myself with things I should not be doing at work).
This is no recent problem. Heh. Even in elementary, I had a habit of finishing my work first and then being “disruptive” to those around me. What can I say? I was bored! Idle hands and all that… I remember Mom having to hear about it nearly every parent-teacher conference. “Great student, learns fast. Disruptive to other students when not engaged.” Yup. That’s me.
In my past jobs, I have noticed a recurring theme of taking on more and more and more responsibility upon myself to keep from that dangerous downtime. Then, I get to a point where I am overly busy in one or more of those areas and stress myself out with impossible deadlines.
I guess the reason I am writing about this now is that I have realized since that conversation that I am not just crazy or, worse yet, lazy. I am not completely alone in this. And maybe, just maybe, there is something I can do about it. Or maybe I am crazy, and I just need to admit it. Admitting it seems too scary, because admitting it means having to try and do something about it.
I was on an anti-anxiety for a short time. It just made me completely apathetic. Not really a fun alternative.
On the other hand, I have come to realize that my best bet without medication is to limit the things that could make me anxious. So that cuts out a lot of things, and leaves me with… WoW? and sleeping? Is the only answer to anxiety stagnation? :/ I suppose that cannot be right, either.
I don’t want to do anything lately. Heck, I barely want to get out of bed. I certainly don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone, because that just makes me doubt myself more. I do not want to face how disappointing I feel I am, and I certainly do not admit it to anyone else or have them possibly say it to my face. I go back and forth from being anxious about doing anything, to being mad at myself for doing nothing. I think I am becoming quite intolerable to be around most of the time.
The only thing that is really keeping me doing anything is making small goals for myself in WoW and my writing. (And my writing has hit a mental block I cannot seem to climb over at the moment. Haha, even my writing, or lack thereof, is making me anxious lately.)
I am hoping that keeping myself busy with a part time job will help, without being too much right now.
I just cannot sit here and feel like a disappointment to myself and those who count on me. But on the other hand, that thought makes me angry and I do not want to feel responsible for anyone, when I can barely take care of myself. And how successful can I really feel at this point? Being broke and single and feeling like for every step forward, I am knocked two steps back?
Why can’t I just stay in bed?
And so now, of course, I am all anxious about work tomorrow…
~ Effy
TNB Update!
If you missed the live show, check out my interview on the Twisted Nether Blogcast’s most recent show, just posted this morning!
~ Effy
Wax Poetic: On Brainstorming
Snoopy, one of my favorite writers. by Charles Schulz
I think I have admitted before that I am notorious for writing without a plan. At least, that is how I start.
Most often, my stories began with the vaguest flicker of an idea.
The most stark example of all, would be my first blog post – Regrets. The entirety of the start of my Effy-Effy saga came about one night thinking about the internal conflict of my beloved Effy as a DK. When I wrote that, I had no idea DK-Effy would go on to meet the Children of Greymane. I had no idea DK-Effy would meet her living self. I had no idea where it was going, and certainly no idea of where it would end. (And of course, in fantasy, I use the term “end” very loosely.)
Many times, this method works well for me… eventually. But it sure does prove frustrating while I am still brainstorming. Ideas never come fast enough!
Usually, it is the most random happening that sparks my continuation forward – something I see (for perhaps the 1000st time) in WoW, something that happens in RL, something I read in another blog, something I notice on Twitter or Facebook.
I keep a small 6×9 notebook with me at all times. It graces my desk. It rides along in my purse (and damn anything else might not fit because of it!). And it always has an accompanying pen of varying color. You never know when you might need a piece of paper for a phone number or an address or a tiny reminder. But mostly I keep it with me because you never know when an idea might hit you!
My notebook is full of random scribbles – outfit pieces, To-Do type stuff, reminders, and story idea flickers. I notate personality snippets, things I need to ponder further, chronological character progression (most particularly with Lazheward, who I recently touched back on because of the general muddle of those thoughts), things to look up later, and random dialogue.
For a while, I did try and completely move all of my note taking to Google Drive. This has worked well for organizational purposes, but I am far too set in my ways, far too fond of pen and paper. Since my stories rarely ever begin as a pen and paper venture any longer, I think noting taking in that matter serves to mostly satisfy the need.
I am old school. I like things the way I like them. Don’t change them on me. <glares at Google Reader>
In middle school and forward, when I first started writing stories – mostly fantasy but also some short pieces inspired by my frequent childhood nightmares and insomnia – I had masses of full-size 5-subject notebooks. All were full of various stories, most of which never had conclusions, but all with their own separate subject to start them.
I remember writing on the bus to school, during lunch, sneaking bits when my school work was finished towards the end of a class.
It seems my format for brainstorming and writing has never really changed.
The beautiful part about typing my stories now is that it allows me a much easier means of editing. Since many of my stories change subtly as they develop, I am quite particular about going back and changing needed bits to smooth them out. Because I have a tendency to endlessly edit as I write anyway, this has never proved a hurdle for me. Most times, I start a writing session by reading some of what came before, sometimes all of it, just to get myself back into the mindset and the characters and to reaffirm my place.
The only time it proves frustrating is when I get stuck, waiting for my next bit of inspiration. Usually this leads to me rereading what I have written, whilst editing it, numerous times without really pushing forward.
This is where I find myself now, hence why I am blogging about it to all of you.
Getting stuck eventually leads to me rushing back to my notes. I read them and see if there is a spark. If still nothing, I try and research similar things to what I was writing, various WoW lore via Wiki pages, quest information (depending on what I am working on), and other blogs as well as my own.
I do not hesitate to verify items I am writing to my own work or with other source pieces. As a writer of what is considered fan fiction, authenticity is very important to me (even if I may on occasion make stuff up when there is no source – ie. dragon naming).
If I still came back with nothing, then it is back to WoW and reading until I can renew the spark and continue forward.
Perhap, just perhaps, it would be more helpful to me to plan out the entirety of my stories before I commence? Honestly, that is when I am most likely to lose focus. Even if the story is only “written” inside my head, if it sits there too long without making it to paper/document, I feel it start to become stale. I can only tell a tale to myself so many times before it grows old. It works much better for me when I am as surprised by a twist in events as my readers are.
I mean, who would have ever thought Effy and Laz would have concluded Love and Sacrifice as they did! I certainly did not when I started!
So this is where I sit with part three of Descending Twilight. I think my next course is to just write separate, disjointed introductions to everyone, and figure out how to stuff them in later. Otherwise, I am going to edit the current 3k words to death.
Or maybe, I should throw everything to the winds, and start serializing all my pieces like I did with As the Sun Sets. Does that work better for people? I know sometimes I have difficultly reading through really long blog posts and I probably miss important stuff, even though most of the time I read something interesting no matter how long it is.
I may have to do some research into what the average blog reading attention span is, and try and cut down my posts to something more bit sized. Hmm.
~ Effy
Email Effy!Currently Reading:
Effy Gets Twisted!
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Awaiting the Muse by Jamie Roman AKA Effraeti is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://awaitingthemuse.wordpress.com/.
